Kate Henshaw
Although, happily married to her British husband, Mr. Nuttal, for over a decade, top-notch actress Kate Henshaw, was once a victim of an abusive relationship that lasted for several years. The 2008 Africa Movie Academy Awards (AMAA) winner, in this no-holds-barred interview, painted a gory picture of how she almost died in the turbulent romance that reminded many of what Rihanna went through in the hands of Chris Brown. “He was constantly abusing, beating and battering me inside the house and in public places. I think there was a time when I walked round with bandage on my leg, courtesy of my violent lover, but that was many years ago,” she recollects.
On why she stayed so long and nearly got killed by an abusive and violent lover, the former Glo ambassador says: It’s funny. It’s very ironical because after the beating comes the gifts, the begging, the cries and words like, “it’s your fault, I’d try and change, it’s not me…” Everybody will now be saying, forgive him, he’s begging. In one of the beatings, he broke my ankle… Na God save me o. I would have died.”
Below is the gripping story of Henshaw’s abusive past and all that you’ve been itching to know about this mother of one that was born and raised in Surulere, Lagos.
Enjoy the interaction!
You recently clocked 40, congratulations, but you don’t look it?
Thank you for that and I thank God, He’s renewing me and moving me forward. People say I look younger than my age. Well that’s what they say, I hope so, and maybe it’s true. Sincerely, I don’t feel 40. I actually feel 20, because I go to the gym, I work out, my energy level is so much, and I don’t feel tired. I don’t want to be seen as being 40, because for me 40, is like you’re getting old, you’re getting to 50, 60 and 70.
I have been in this industry for eighteen years, since 1993 and this is 2011, so it feels good celebrating with my friends, family and loved ones at 40. I still remember vividly, my first TV commercial, it was in 1990, for Shield Deodorant. I came in first as a model with Frank Osodi, Eucharia Anunobi, Emeka Ossai, and the late J.T. Tom West, we all used to model and cat-walk. I now do more of corporate endorsements.
With this new chapter in your life, what’s your next line of action?
I have two projects actually. One is already done but I don’t want to disclose or say much about it for now. I’m also working for humanity, which I know will impact on lives when completed. Let’s just say one of these projects is about telling people my life story, sort of a documentary. People will see that I didn’t just rise up, I started from somewhere I; did this, I did that. I was an usher, I served in Coca-Cola for my NYSC, I was an usher even in the church, I was an usher at the Lagos Trade Fair and sold cars at Tafawa Balewa Lagos Motor Fair. There’s nothing I didn’t do, I was doing everything. So it’s from there that my rise to fame started. I served in Lagos; I was in Bauchi first then got redeployed to Lagos. I was at the Bauchi General Hospital briefly.
Most of your contemporaries have left the scene, but you are still around, what has kept you going?
It’s not of my own strength, even me I’m still amazed that I’m still around here. I always pray to God, it’s not about me; I’ve always prayed to be a blessing onto many people and that my life will always be a good example to people and one line of my prayer is: ‘less of me, more of God in my life’ and I pay my tithes and give my offerings regularly.
Do you believe in paying tithes?
I worship at Salem Praise International Christian Centre and I believe so much in tithing because I believe that God will open windows onto you that even you will be shocked that people are still talking about you ten years, 20 years later and thinking well of you. Paying tithe is priceless and I do not joke with mine.
As an usher that once sold cars at trade fairs, did you ever think you would be a star someday?
Never, I actually thought I was going to be a model or maybe I’d work in the lab, then I was still in the university, School of Medical Laboratory Sciences, LUTH, Idi-Araba. I read Medical Microbiology, so I thought I was going to be working in the lab checking peoples’ health, their faeces, their blood, what kind of diseases they have and all that but everything changed when I veered into showbiz full time.
When and how did you discover you actually belong to the showbiz world, and how did it happen?
It’s not that I said this is where I want to belong; I’m always very inquisitive. I was always seeing models a lot then. I didn’t even know when I went for my first audition, I’ve forgotten but I used to model, then we usually go for casting, we go for auditions. I was one of the models for Jerry’s Angels, there was a guy, Jerry, and he was our agent. He’d take us round in his bus to different casting locations and if they pick you, then you give Jerry 30% or 20% of your fee.
You meet people, so many people and that’s how I met the late J.T. Tom West and he was the one that took me to my very first audition in 1993, for When The Sun Sets, which was my first movie, produced by Opa Williams. And after that, I went ahead to work with Opa Williams as Clients Sales Executive. I tried my hands at all things. Just like TY Bello, when she was telling me at an event that she tried her hands in many things; she went for make-ups, she’s a photographer, she’s a singer, and she wanted to do sewing. I mean, she said you can try to do as many things as you want, which is true because you have to diversify, don’t put yourself in one box, it hardly makes you, and you can do everything.
Maybe, I’ll start a lesson on how to fly a private jet soon. Again, I think I want to be an air hostess. I want to smile at people. I think I want to do that, even if it’s for one month. I want to smile, I want to fly around everywhere to feel how it would be. That’s what I still want to do.
You won the AMAA Best Actress in 2008. Did it ever occur to you that you were going to win that night?
No, my first award was actually in 1996, at The Movie Awards, for Best Actress. For AMAA, when I heard my name was among the nominees, I just said to God – thank you Lord, I was glad I was nominated. For you to get a nomination, you’re already a winner because out of thousands of actors your name was shortlisted. I was happy but also very nervous; even I couldn’t eat on the day of the award. I couldn’t drink I was just mute and by the time they called my name as a winner, it was Rita Dominic, who sat by my side that said –’Kate!’ I said ‘ehn!’ my hands were literally shaking, it was just amazing. Winning the AMAA brought me in contact with so many people and I thank God for that.
Can anything make you quit acting?
Ha! No way.
Not even your husband?
No.
Acting first?
God first, my family, (daughter and husband), then acting.
How old is your daughter, Gabrielle?
She turned 11, this September.
Let’s talk about your marriage. You’ve been married for twelve years now, why did you marry a white man?
I married somebody I love.
Did your parents kick against your choice of a man?
No, when I asked my mother, she said ‘you’re not the first person to marry a white person in the Henshaw family.’ So I said okay, everything is fine. Funny enough, some years down the line after I finished my secondary school, I thought like ‘how would it be to marry a white person?’ It came into my mind then, you know our society, you know how it is, how people feel like ‘she’s a prostitute, she’s wayward, she doesn’t come from a good home… but it’s not just happening in Nigeria, there are mixed marriages all over the world.
Many marriages are crashing in Nollywood, what has kept yours going and what is your advice to your colleagues still struggling with theirs?
Point of correction please, marriages are not crashing only in Nollywood, it’s everywhere. We in Nollywood are humans. My advice is that if it’s not working anymore, I think people should amicably move aside, instead of killing, cutting breasts and causing rancour. For God’s sake, children are involved in most of these troubled unions, so you should try and settle your differences amicably because that child or children you produced in your union will forever be there. So each party should always be civil. I don’t think there’s any marriage that does not have challenges, except the one of Jesus and His Church, which is forever. But you see, in marriage, when you’re tired you are tired.
But can you withstand violence in a relationship?
No! I was once a victim and that relationship lasted for about three/four years.
We would like to know whom you were involved with in this turbulent affair?
No, I cannot tell you his name, we are both separately married now and still waxing stronger in the entertainment world. Those that knew us then know the person and they also know his name.
What was it like then with this violent lover of yours?
I didn’t know who I was, I was so timid, I almost stopped smiling and almost stopped laughing but there was this inner strength in me that helped me to rediscover myself. In fact, I had no self-esteem then; I wanted to change and be who I was not based on the ill treatment and violent nature of my man then. He was constantly abusing, beating and battering me inside the house and public places. I think there was a time when I walked round with bandage on my leg, courtesy of my violent lover, but that was many years ago. Funny enough, this very violent lover of mine claimed to love and wanted to marry me then.
Didn’t you notice these signs when you started the relationship with him?
You know when you start a relationship newly; you take a lot of things for granted. I started mine with an open mind; I had no ulterior motive. Let me tell you something, I wanted to marry him. I had started buying pots and other household items because I was in love. I wanted to settle down, I wanted to have my children with him, I wanted to be happy and continue doing my work but he was that bad. I was already doing films and I was ready to be married but it seemed as if that was not the right person for me. I kept moving on and thinking he would change, but he didn’t change. I tried my best to be everything to him. I finally said enough was enough; this relationship was not of God and definitely not for me.
During those turbulent periods, how were you feeling and coping?
I was ashamed. I couldn’t tell anybody at all. Although, my mum and dad knew and funny enough, my mum was against me wanting me to settle down with this person. But I kept on pushing that he was the person for me, this was the one I’m going to marry, and my mum said she’d disown me, I said ‘this is the person I want to marry, this is the person that makes me happy.’
Are you saying that his beating made you happy those days?
It’s funny. It’s very ironical because after the beating comes the gifts, the begging, the cries and words like, “it’s your fault, I’d try and change, it’s not me…” Everybody will now be saying, forgive him, he’s begging. In one of the beatings, he broke my ankle… Let’s not dwell much on things of the past.
But what’s your advice to those still in such ugly relationships?
Get out of it now, as soon as he hits you, get out. Now, if you’re in a relationship or you’ve just started a relationship and the guy hits you, trust me, he’ll always hit you again. No matter the crying, no matter the begging, no matter how his family members interfere, he will always hit you again and again. You’re the only one that’s going to be in that relationship, you’re the only one that’s going to suffer it all; just leave. If he beats you the first time, “you sef carry stick, if he hits you, you sef blow am, let your own be two times so that he’ll know. Tell him, ‘if you step on my toes, I’ll box you so don’t even try it’. If he continues that way, you carry on. But if he beats you and you keep quiet that means you’re telling him it’s alright, it’s okay. I have had some women say that: ‘the love he gives me after the beating is so wide, so passionate’ …but when you die, it will not be passionate again. So if you’re in it or you’ve been in it for years leave now! Find the courage to leave. If not your future is zero. You’ll be dead. You’ll die.
But you didn’t die?
No, na God save me o. I would have died. I was on my kneels praying to God every day that He should scatter the relationship if it’s not of His making.
Is that your reason for joining and becoming a strong voice with Project Alert campaigns and activities?
First and foremost, Project Alert was set up to help those women and children who have been in violent situations, be it domestic or workplace abuses. There are so many ways to abuse a woman or a child. It’s not only about women; there are young girls who are being raped by their uncles or by their step-fathers, even their own fathers and by their own blood brothers. You cannot imagine the filthiest things that are in peoples’ minds. So my own is to help them.
First and foremost, when you contact Project Alert, they don’t say ‘scatter!’ they try to talk to you first and counsel you, but people always get the wrong impression that ‘these people, they are home breakers’, they are not home breakers. When you come to them, be you a man or a woman, they will call you, invite the other party, they’ll try and talk to you –’what’s your problem? Do you people need to see a counselor? Do you people need to work through it? You have children, this thing is not good. They’ll talk to you first. And if all options fail, they’ll try and take the woman out of that violent situation, They have in-house lawyers, there is a Lagos act that prohibits violence against women but we are not even looking at the law, we are not using it for our own effects, the police are aware of it.
So Project Alert always tries to take the woman and the children from that violent situation and give them home, a place they can sort their heads out, maybe for two months or thereabouts. They have a day-care centre, they have rooms, they have library, and they have all sorts of facilities. The place is a hidden location because they are scared of reprisal attacks; people can go there and start killing everybody there, so you have to protect the identity of these women and children. I am one of their proud ambassadors.
For how long have you been involved with Project Alert?
I have been with them for about four years now, I think since 2006 or 2007. It’s been a journey so far and we’ve done what’s seen as legitimate to get to the top.
As a role model in the industry, what is your advice to up and coming actresses striving to hit stardom in the industry?
There are two things, either you get a chance in a film just like me and it shoots you up gbam! or you start receiving offers, getting the fame gradually. The key is to remain humble, to remain disciplined to the profession, that’s the only thing.
Do you intend going into politics in the nearest future?
If I’ve got to serve I will serve with all the integrity that I’ve managed to build and with all humility because I believe being a leader is about service, it’s not about self-aggrandizement, it’s not about you, but about people you’re serving. Somebody once said: “If you’re a celebrity and you’ve not been able to impact even on your own street, your neighbours and people who’re living with you, then you’re nobody”
You want to be star out there but in your environment you’ve not helped somebody or visited the sick, then forget it. I will be ready to serve my people with all humility when called upon.
We’ve seen states honouring their famous sons and daughters. Have you got any from Cross River, your state of origin?
No, they’ve not done anything even when I won my awards, nothing. It makes me feel bad but I’ve moved beyond that. I now say I’m from Lagos State. Yes, I was born in Lagos, at number 7, Akinyomi Street, Surulere, and the house is still there. So, I’m proud to call myself a Surulere girl. It’s a bit disappointing but I’ve moved on and I’m not going to go and beg anybody to honour me.
Several of your colleagues have gone into film production, but you are yet to do that. What is holding you back?
I believe I have other things that I want to do. I’m a perfectionist; I believe anything I want to do should go with my style. I believe everything should happen at the right time. It’s not just about doing films but how would I get my money back after investing? That’s it. Because I don’t just want to do a film and be quiet, I want to keep doing it.
As somebody that was born and raised in Lagos, do you speak Yoruba?
No, I don’t but I understand just small. We lived a sheltered life while growing up courtesy of my father; he didn’t allow us to mix in the neighbourhood.
Was he a military man?
No, he wasn’t. He used to work with Pan-American Airways then. He is in Calabar now, after retiring here in Lagos.
Tell us all we need to know about you and your family background.
Like I said earlier, I was born here in Lagos; Surulere, to be precise. My father, Mr. Etim George Henshaw married only my mother, although, they are separated now. They are both from Cross River State, Creek Town in Odukpani LGA. I’m the first child; I have two brothers and then my sister, so we’re four. One of my brothers is into banking, the other one works with NLNG, he’s just been posted to Oman, and my sister works with LEAP Africa (a non-governmental organization). Everybody has franchise doing their own things and we thank God for that.
Where is your mother?
My mother had just gone to be with her son in Oman, he recently had a second baby boy.
What was it like growing up in Lagos?
It was lovely. I used to eat amala very well on my street, with ewedu but I don’t like gbegiri. There’s mama-put around the corner, there was Agege-bread, there were all good things of life that make Surulere fun to live in. My mum had a hair-dressing salon then, and I used to go help her wash the rollers, wash peoples’ hairs and all that.
My fondest memory about growing up was that we used to travel a lot courtesy of my dad. I still have my old passport with me. We had even a Pan Am Cards, Pan American Airways; they used to be in Nigeria many years ago. We used to travel a lot and I always looked forward to vacations and my dad was strict. As a child growing up, I wasn’t stubborn, just that I liked watching TV. Once my favourite programme comes on, I’d just forget whatever I was doing and I’d be in front of the TV with my eyes wide open
When you veered into showbiz, what were your parents’ reactions?
My dad didn’t pay my school fees in the final year of my university. I told him that I wanted to start acting, he said that’s not in his agenda for me, that he wanted me to be a doctor and I said well this is what I want to do, he said then I’m not going to pay your school fees and I said okay, no problem. I paid it myself, because I was already a model then.
And how did your mum react?
My mum just said – my daughter, just be careful o! These auditions you’re attending just be careful. That was all she said.
If you are not acting, what else would you be doing?
I think I would be a public speaker, just be involved in a lot of charity works or maybe, have a business of my own. It depends because I don’t think there is anything legitimate that I cannot do. Even during my secondary school days, I won the award for the most-versatile student when I was passing out because I did all the sports; basketball, hockey, volley ball, I ran, I was a social prefect, I was in drama/debating society.
Your husband is a white man, married to a star, does he get scared or jealous sometimes with your kind of job?
He doesn’t feel scared or get jealous, he sometimes complains about my non-availability in the home. But I just try and manage the situation as much as I can. That’s why when time for holiday comes; I go because I need to spend time with my family.
What does he do?
He has his own business, he’s into PR.
How did you two meet?
I was working with Opa Williams then and Opa had just shot Maama, and he wanted to do the premiere at Ikoyi Hotel. I was the client-services executive, so my job was to go round and get sponsorships. I went to a friend of mine and he said they don’t do such things, but will send me to somebody who will support us. That was how he sent me to my husband’s office and when I walked in, the whole staff were like wow! And the man was like, ‘who’s this one that all these people were running after?’ The rest like they say is history. We eventually got married in 1999, after dating for over a year.
How has it been, being married to a white man?
I’ll start by correcting that impression of a white man. It’s not about the colour. But it’s been good, although, there are ups and downs, no marriage is perfect, but we just try and take it as it comes; take it turn by turn, try and talk about things and then just move on.
Again, with God all things are possible. I just try and do my best and then leave the rest to God.
How do you cope with men, especially the stubborn ones?
Well, I just tell them I’m married, but when they keep coming, I run, I have long legs so I will keep running. In all, I give God all the glory because without him, I won’t be where I am today.
First published, December 2011
